I thought of all kinds of things I should add yesterday as soon as I got off the computer. I’m doing all this painting and cutting for Christmas presents and listening to “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” so my brain was kind of floaty.
One thing I wanted to add was how the other night we sat down and watched the first three Anthony Bordain “No Reservations” (France, Iceland, New Jersey) episodes and how when he visited this little farm in New Jersey where they make cheese (Raw milk. Happy, pastured cows.) and bread (in an outdoor bread oven. They are the first American place, period, to export to cheese BACK to Europe in a CENTURY) I just felt so happy. It’s the same feeling I get when I look at pictures of a well-ordered and serenely decorated house or read ANY Barbara Kingsolver. THAT is why I want to be home, along with taking care of my son of course. I want our home to mean something – to us and hopefully then to people around us. And maybe, gasp!, to people who AREN’T EXACTLY LIKE US AND WHOM WE HAVEN’T KNOWN FOR TEN YEARS ALREADY. Although, those people are still good.
It’s the reason I ask why my tired brain keeps beating me up about not making the money whenever we run through our paycheck in a week instead of two. This is not that big of a deal, but it inevitably happens – these days – when we have to pay $100 or $150 for some baby-related thing or car-related thing or eating-related thing like getting groceries. Because…my heart is not really in being a career woman. I’m not too sure what that feels like, actually. I will say ’til I’m blue in the face that I wish I would have gotten a college degree or at least taken some college classes which actually gave me a marketable skill to use instead of the (like I said, bitterly, in my last post $60,000) education I DO have which got me exactly nowhere in the job market. I still do wish that, and I still do have daydreams about taking night classes in clothing construction and patternmaking and tailoring so that I would have a skill I can use if I ever need to, but I’ve never wanted that badly to be in the working world.
Mostly, I think it’s just not where my gifting lies. I love design, but I DON’T love business and I DON’T love that fake feeling of trying to sell myself or my goods. I get really jazzed about eating (and learning to cook) good food and making stuff and renovating a house. I think it goes deeper than that, though, and it’s why I wish I could just let it go that my best moments haven’t been in the working world. I think I could find out a lot more by pursuing the things I ACTUALLY like.
HENCE…Toledo. The lower housing prices alone could make our life more livable even if there was no change in salary. Just sayin’. Living in Wheaton or Glen Ellyn would always be a struggle, financially. And I agree so wholeheartedly with Kirsten in her comment about making A good the highest good and therefore an idol. Stewart preached about this in his series on marriage and celibacy. One of his points about the temptations of marriage and family which often gets overlooked (especially in our community which LOVES marriage and family) is that we can make that good the highest good and actually put it before God. Since it’s so socially acceptable in Christian circles, it’s not something we talk about much as a setback or a temptation to sin, but it’s definitely there.
This whole job search process has been, for me, about a willingness to say yes to anything (trusting that we’re making good decisions together and with God’s help), and realizing that the best decision for US might not be the same as for others but that God can still bless us through it…like I said. And just maybe, we would thrive even more than we are now!